April, 2015

“Everyone works at grief in different ways, at a different pace, with different people, in different places. Some wait to work at grief, while others begin at the time of loss and still others begin before loss even happens” (Page 5 WinterGrief, 2003).

However you grieve, unless harmful to you or another person, is right for you. Some people might try and move you away from your grief, telling you to ‘get on with life’, ‘there’s no use dwelling on your loss’, or ‘you can’t spend time in the past.’ You might respond with one or two words to all three of these phrases, “Why?” or “Why not”?”

Maybe it is taking you longer than your friend to process your feelings. Ask yourself, “Is this not my loss and not yours, so I am the expert on my own grief process.

Journal a few thoughts to express (process) feelings.

March, 2015

Sometimes in the depth of blackness and depression, our soul (will, emotions and intellect) seems smothered. If we claim to be alone in life, especially during difficult times, we seem to suffer deeper and without mercy. Find your oneness whether it is in nature, silence, busy malls, pets, choice of work or hobby, with another individual or God as you define God.

When you walk through a storm

Hold your head up high

And don’t be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm

There’s a golden sky

And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on walk on with hope in your heart

And you’ll never walk alone

You’ll never walk alone

SONGWRITERS RICHARD RODGERS, OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN II

Journal a few thoughts

February, 2015

Time does not bring healing in emotional or physical pain; what counts is what we do in the time. As we grieve well, growth is the natural result. Picture a plant suffering from draught and wind, and then after intentional care, watch natural growth begin to slowly develop. We know how to grieve. We’ve practiced it since before we could walk. It is hard work, but we can do it. Herein lies the healing.

“Grief is a process; it is not an event. Grieving is not learned; it is a natural response of releasing normal emotions . . . I learned after my daughter’s death that personal and spiritual growth was not achieved by just reading about grief; it [began to happen as] I worked through my [emotions]” (Page 5f WinterGrief, 2003).

Regardless of where we live in the world, the colour of our skin, our native language, education or lack of it, rich or poor, with status or without, believer or sceptic – we share a universal experience of grief. It is here we find ourselves on common ground. What makes us different from one another is the what, how and who that brought us to grieve and how we cope while suffering loss.

Journal a few thoughts to express (process) feelings.

JANUARY, 2015

A new year! Regardless of when you read this blog, you have the opportunity to make a new start, recreate a new beginning. Sometimes, it takes looking closely at the obstacles in your path to achieve your goal. You might spend mega energy circumventing any one of life’s twists and turns rather than risk exploring what they mean for you at any given time.

Consider:

• A health issue that places limits on your life.
• Moving from one location to another, the extra work, fatigue and loss of interest.
• Turning the age that you’ve been dreading.
• Going on in life without your life partner.
• Watching any one of your children make poor choices.
• Reviewing your life and claiming the sorrow about ways you treated self.
• Add your own situation when you journal.

The hand of grief has many fingers.

This is the first day of the rest of your life. Try to emotionally detach yourself from anything that doesn’t include you in a positive way. Leave it with a Higher Power, a loving God, the Universe or whatever name correctly describes someone beyond self. And then listen and . . .

Journal a few thoughts to express (process) feelings.

The words Grieve and Grow might seem contradictory, but one actually compliments the other. It is through grieving, acknowledging our emotions that we grow in understanding of self and others. As we process our feelings it is definitely a win-win situation.

This blog is written for you.  It is my hope that you will come back and find a beam of light to shed on your life and brighten your day. We grieve because we have a broken heart. We grow in understanding ourselves and the situation as we process our thoughts. It is a journey. It is a pathway to new insight, freedom and life.

“It is also written for people like me who need the reassurance that grieving is normal and the only permission I need comes from me. To those of you who turned away from statements like, “Come on now, don’t cry” and found your space to weep, to wail, to express your anger and your helplessness–Bravo. And for those who have not yet begun the grief process, it is never too late” (21 Promises: Self Care in Grief (2015).