Tag Archives: sorrow

Where Do We Begin?

27 Friday Mar 2020

Posted by in Grieve and Grow

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

The world has changed. It is grieving. We are in a different Canada than we were this time last month. You will be in a different space in your country. We share differently. And we care differently. Some of us are encircled by family and loved ones which makes it easier to live in this difference. Some people are alone, taking careful steps. Wherever you live on the world’s map, Covid-19 has emotionally decreased the space between us, and yet we are encouraged to widen our personal space with others. We hear stories on the television or radio or social media of grief-stricken areas, people of all ages, and in different situations.

Where do we begin to grieve? How to we support others who are grieving? How do we grieve for a world that is not like it was and will not be again? Because of our contacts, it is not unusual to have friends and acquaintances around the world. Many parents have adult children in different parts of the globe. And many people travel the world for their employment. There are those who are housebound and can not see their community past their window. And of course, we remember the sick and ageing in hospitals and nursing homes. And those in senior’s residence who wait when the door is closed to visitors. The list is long. Where do we begin? How do we keep ourselves aware of those grieving, those in need and those who need a caring thought? And how are you able to receive support and comfort in your grieving?

Take a few moments and write a list of people who come to mind that you can phone or drop a note. As well, be ready for someone who reaches out to you through a loving greeting card, text or message, and receive it graciously. It is a new world we’re living in. And we grieve. 

Happy to Have Had, Even if There is no More.

31 Thursday May 2018

Posted by in Grieve and Grow

≈ Comments Off on Happy to Have Had, Even if There is no More.

Tags

, , , ,

What does this quote mean to you? Does it create feelings of gratefulness in your memory? What kinds of articles and items come to mind when we think of downsizing?  We could spend time brooding about the items we’ve cherished and for one reason or another, we have to say goodbye, or we could reflect on their meaning. Think for a moment about a child’s blanket — a cherished comfort in the darkness of night, or in times of distress. As the child grows, he or she finds a different sense of security in a doll or a truck hidden under the pillow. When change happens, it might seem like jumping off a cliff without a rope. There is definitely an awareness of those precious moments when life was familiar as breathing — and now gone.

When our children were growing up, we had a ‘boot-hill’. There was always a part of our property that was spread over a hill.  I remember one particular cat of which the entire family was fond. There was a lot of crying and moaning during the time when this kitty released life. And then there was the pillow on which she rested. And then there was the trek across the back lawn and up the hill. To dig the hole was one child’s task, to put kitty into it on her pillow was another one. And to make a cross with two sticks was created by another child.

Saying goodbye was ‘so hard’. It seemed we’d been doing that for a week, but now it was different. There was no turning back. It was over. And we needed to stay there in our grief until we were ready to look at the beginning of the above quote.

When the time is right, we can think, “How lucky or fortunate or happy or blessed I am to have had that ‘something’ that makes saying goodbye so hard.” And now the children had another memory to add to the six years of the cat’s life. They had the time to remember, name and say, “Happy to have had, even if there is no more.”

List a few happy times in this latest period of grief. Also note the relief you experience.

When Sorrow Walked With Me

22 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by in Grieve and Grow

≈ Comments Off on When Sorrow Walked With Me

Tags

, , , , ,

On April 6, 2018 the Humboldt Broncos tragedy changed Canada. That seems like a broad statement, but it’s true. In fact, people from around the globe send their commitment to the fundraising project – one effort by one woman provided a response. Parents, brothers, sisters, extended family, neighbours, friends and strangers connected. Even people who didn’t know those who lost their life or those who were injured, wanted to reach out. Social media proved to be a great way to connect, to show love and compassion. Why was all of this important? Was it to help? Perhaps to share their pain? Maybe to enter into the sorrow with the families? As the quote suggests, through sorrow and sharing it with others, we learn. We learn about love, trust and sharing in new ways of living with grief. We learn that being vulnerable allows others to come into our pain . . . and that is healing, even in small ways.

I, for one, could not watch a news broadcast without tearing. As a hockey famly, we were eager to put a hockey stick on our front porch to pay tribute, to remember and to remind others. There’s something else in the picture of the hockey stick beside our front door and that is the clear circle that a crock made on the floor. When I look at this image I see what was and what had been through the winter – a dusty, messy porch floor. When I moved the crock to make room to take the picture, I saw the clean circle, and choose not to sweep,  clean or erase before taking the picture. What do you take from the image? Is there a before and after for you? There usually is in most life tragedies. Life can be messy . . . and grief can be painful  . . . and emotional pain can be hard to live with.

And so we connect in whatever way is helpful to share our pain, to take us through an agonizing time. Maybe we can help others and ourselves to make it a little easier. Perhaps we draw on our faith or understanding to strength us until we find the words.

Jot down some notes in your grief journal. Write whatever comes into your mind. Try not to edit or fix. Leave it for a while and when you come back to it, it may be just the answer to give you peace. 

 

 

Grief’s Hold

16 Monday May 2016

Posted by in Grieve and Grow

≈ Comments Off on Grief’s Hold

Tags

, , ,

A few thoughts about journalling: Write down your thoughts – all at once they are real. Once they are written, they do not have the same hold of you.

“Grief waits to be explored, examined and opened. Sometimes I feel that I am encased within grief’s grip, trying to breathe deeply, yet nothing moves expands or moves.”

“Sometimes I want to stretch and groan, and then I want to hide, be silent and close my eyes.”
Monarch_Butterfly_Cocoon_6708“Grief paralyzes, immobilizes, scrutinizes and . . . ”

“When the lights are bright around me, I want to turn my back.”

“At times, I wonder if everyone knows how I feel, how much I hurt or if I want to be heard.”

“Echoes of laughter, whispers and yawns vibrate in my thoughts.”

“And then I am free. That which gripped, no longer has a hold. It is in the past.”

This is an butterfly1example of importance of journalling, or in this case, scribbling. When healing and recovery has taken place, it’s difficult to remember these dark days. I am thankful for grief recovery. It’s such hard work, but so important to do.

“There is no greater gift than to be lifted from grief’s hold and set free.”                                                                          1970’s/Dec 2000

Notepad_iconIt is a process for the butterfly. It’s natural, necessary and normal. So it is with grief. Jot down a few thoughts about your process toward grief recovery.